It's week five, and, I wish I had better news, but I'm afraid we've got another dud. I've heard many film critics say that a terminal flaw for a film is for it to be boring. Even "bad" films can be entertaining, or interesting, due to technical aspects, or ambition, or just having parts that outweigh the sum. If a film is just plain boring though, than there's nothing really there to salvage it. Hotel De La Muerte is utterly boring, so terminally boring that it's basically dead on arrival.
But wait, it can't possibly be that terrible can it? It's a Mexican Wrestling picture for God's sake! Surely there must be some dumb, frivolous entertainment value in it somewhere....? No! There's none of that. However, there is plenty of Fernando, Virginia and Fernando's partner Conrado, a.k.a. Kangaroo Kick (I'm quite certain that during his previous two appearances, Conrado was never, ever introduced by name.) From now on, when these characters show up at all, I'm going to punish the movie. It's like spelling your name wrong on your SATs! Any movie they're in from now on automatically loses two silver masks!
|Mister Amish Beard.|
As the bodies pile up, and then disappear (more on that later), Virginia pleads with Fernando to radio Santo for help on his fancy watch communicator, but Fernando refuses, I guess trying to prove that he's not totally inept and dumb. Of course that all goes out the window when an unknown assailant smashes a wooden chair over Fernando's useless gourd of a head. While unconscious, Virginia radios Santo, who along with Mathias, seems to be sitting around in his Not-Batcave doing nothing at all. Maybe they were waiting with baited breathe for Fernando to call in? I doubt it, because as soon as Virginia begs for help, Santo agrees to come to their aid...after his big wrestling match. Santo goes to said match, wins, and then he and Mathias spend another ten minutes off screen driving to the resort/blood bath.
ZERO Silver masks out of a possible Five.
Fun Fact: The Aztecs could see into the future, and after seeing their name used in this movie, committed mass suicide.